The following joke appeared in a 1990 local paper:

Question: "How do you milk a Polar Bear?

Answer: "First, you bait a trap with a suitable delicacy. When the Polar Bear is caught, you shoot it with a painless immobilising dart. In a few minutes the creature is asleep and you can then milk it, as you would any.........."

In the newspaper, of course, the dots were not there. Instead, there was a word, but which word? I suggest that there is only one word possible which makes this short article into a joke. The word "cow", for example, would be merely advisory, if somewhat bizarre. Any word but the right one in the context would make the answer nonsensical, or otherwise ridiculous.

The word we need is "bear". Suddenly we have a humorous statement; but what is it that has occurred to make it so? The prime characteristic of such jokes, or humour, is the element of the unexpected, even though, in retrospect, as above, we can deduce what the punch line would have to be.

"A joke must be inevitable, but surprising"{Alan Alda}

Few jokes are repeatable to the same audience. The element of surprise has gone. Songs, by contrast, are repeated time and time again. I have never heard a reprise of a joke.

Now consider another aspect:

Interviewer: "So, you would really like the job. Well now, do you ever tell lies?"

Applicant: "No Sir, but I can learn!"

Alternative replies are much feebler. "No Sir, do you?" is just impertinent. "No sir, is that part of the job?" is better but naive. Suppose, however, that it became "Naw Suh, but ah kin larn!". To certain people that would make the response even funnier. By giving the response orally, in different but recognisable accents, you could adapt this element of humour to suit your audience.

This secondary common characteristic of humour is that is derogatory in some way. It exposes the ignorance, prejudice, or ineffectiveness of others. The well known tale of a citizen in the former Soviet Union, ordering a new car, is another fine example:

Salesman: "I’m afraid it will take about two years to be delivered."

Customer: "That’s OK, but can you be more precise?"

Salesman: "On my list its down for March 16, the year after next."

Customer: "Well, I don’t know. Morning or afternoon?"

Salesman: "By Lenin, Comrade, what does it matter?"

Customer: "The plumber has promised to come that morning!"

This is amusing, at least to a non-Soviet audience, but it is hardly flattering. The country being lampooned can change with the telling. The English tell Irish jokes, the Canadians tell Newfy (Newfoundland) jokes, the Americans tell Polish jokes, the Chileans tell German jokes, and so on. With a little research I suspect that one could create a chain to make a full circle.

Occasionally the maligned strike back:

Englishman: "I wonder why we tell Irish jokes."

Irish friend: "They’re the only ones the English understand!"

Humour is as popular as gambling amongst much of humankind, but it reinforces different attitudes. Principally it reinforces the view "I’m OK, you’re OK". It feels good in oneself to recognise the final twist in a story. It generally engenders respect for the teller, or author.

I admit that, when there is a derogatory aspect to the humour, there can be an element of "I’m OK, they’re not OK". One should be aware, and beware, of going too far. A potential joke can become vicarious sadism, or unbridled prejudice. The derogatory aspect of humour, however, is most effective when directed against those who do arrogantly hold a "I’m OK, they’re not OK" point of view. Such satire can be telling.

So-called Practical Jokes, except when between the closest of close friends, are asking for trouble. Many should be regarded as criminal, not humorous. I draw the distinction between disrespectful thoughts, and disrespectful actions.

Humour also serves as a harmless outlet for potential aggression. In life, it is often hard to progress from the common adolescent nurtured state of "I’m not OK, they’re OK" to "I’m OK, they’re OK", without passing through an intermediate stage of "I’m OK, they’re not OK". Humour can be regarded as a stepping stone to mutual respect. If we can make jokes, even mildly derogatory ones, about ourselves, or about each other, without coming to blows, we shall be well on the way. Jews tell Jewish jokes. Afro-Americans tell jokes about each other. They set an example to us all.

In its pure state, with no derogatory overtones, humour can be an effective way of broadening one’s outlook on life. It encourages people to see the world from a different angle, by exposing the unexpected, or unusual, but potentially aptious facets of our existence. It is an important aspect of lateral thinking, pace Edward de Bono. It can lead to the solution of seemingly intractable problems.

The story of a WWII hangar difficulty is a good illustration. Apparently, during enemy air-raids, planes could not always get out of the hangars quickly enough to respond effectively. Yet it would not have been wise to have them permanently exposed on the runway. I understand that this problem was solved by putting the hangars on wheels then pulling them off the planes which were all ready to fly; instant readiness....practical humour!

In a less bellicose context, I can also quote a personal experience from the early days of photocopying. I often used a local petrol-station store for my photocopying needs. The proprietor at the time did not allow customers to use the machine unaided. A large notice told you to seek assistance.

One day, I needed 10 copies of a particular document. On entering the shop I found the proprietor’s elderly father temporarily in charge. With some trepidation, but eventual obvious pride, he managed to set up the machine, with my document in place, ready to be copied. With sudden dismay, he paused, his finger hovering uncertainly over the numerical keyboard. The digits 0 to 9 were plain to see. There was no 10!

I was just about to explain how to use the keyboard to create 10, when his face lit up. "Let’s do one first to see how it looks", he said, hitting the button "1". The copy was perfect. "Now for the other nine", he smiled. He hit the "9" button with confidence. His honour was satisfied, his dignity preserved. I was humbly impressed, and amused.

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